Hovel wouldn’t have been too far off the mark actually!
I think I’m quite negative about boomerang kids too, my elder brother is one- having moved back home after uni about 6 years ago. Initially there was talk of him saving for a down payment on his own place, but he doesn’t mention moving out anymore.
I don’t really feel like he is taking advantage of my parents because he doesn’t cost them much extra and I believe he does pay some kind of rent.
Mostly I just feel that they aren’t doing him any favours by letting him stay indefinitely. I think you are right that it can be a way of avoiding responsibility.
Although I think it could work, in the short term if there is some kind of agreed plan in place before hand, and people stick to it.

I guess I’ll fall into the category of boomerang kid myself soon. I do have a job lined up, but my lease will be up about a month before I have to move away for training.

When the house my (fifty-something) uncle used to rent was sold and he had to find a new place, my mother mentioned to me how nice it would be if he decided to move in with my grandmother. He’s employed but just scraping by, and she’s getting to the point where it would be good to have someone around to keep an eye on her. On the whole, it could have been beneficial for everyone (or it could have been an unmitigated disaster, but since he found another house I guess we’ll never know).

In Japan they call this behaviour ‘parasite sigon’ which loosely translates to the parents being taken advantage of, and is looked down upon by society. In my opinion there is nothing wrong with living with your parents, provided you are not a financial or personal burden ie. that you pay your share of the rent and help out with bills, and you give each other personal space and respect.

I am not in favour of the ‘boomerang’ aspect, the ‘grown up-kid’ returning after moving out (the most visible sign of independence and breaking away from the old relationship of parent-child) for whatever reason, is a sign to the parent you are not yet grown up enough to look after yourself, and it will also take the parent longer to let you go. I think it will confuse the parent more than anything else, and won’t help you if you want them to see you as an independent self-sufficient person.

You know what we old folks say: “Middle-class children never grow up.”

In fact, we old buzzards can see that the costs young people are facing are SO unreasonable that it begins to make sense for a son or daughter to move back. For a while.

Friends had twin (adult) sons who so much enjoyed living at the old homestead that Mom & Dad, craving solitude, sold the place out from under EVERYONE to get the kids out. They sold the house and bought a condo that was too small to accommodate the young men, so (alas) the poor guys had to go get jobs, of all the outrageous things.

Other than that pair, though, I don’t know anyone who moved back in with the parents who was happy about it. Most young people seem to move on as soon as they can, which in our culture is apparently one of the only ways to prove you’re an independent self-sufficient person. We all make demands on each other and on ourselves that tend to create misery when you try to return to the nuclear family once you’ve left.

Sigh. As the mother of more than one boomerang kid (and the current one came home with boyfriend and three kids!), I heartily agree.

Now, to figure out how to boot them outta here!

My parents have decided to relocate to my mum’s native Japan. So they are taking the two kids who are not yet 18, but my older brother, not wanting to go, has to finally find a place to go to, instead¬! I reckon that’s a reasonable measure to get kids proactive!

I have always looked down on boomerang kids - something about it seemed lazy.

Growing up in a full house, I have always been wont to live alone and have my own space. Since getting a job and being an adult, I’ve always lived alone - studio apartments were where I started, and I graduated into one bedrooms. But I made many stupid money decisions as well, and eventually took on a roommate when I got serious about paying off my debt. Many, many months down the road, after having knocked off a significant portion of my debt, my roommate moved to another state.

After weighing all the options, I decided that it would be best for me to move back in with my mom for a couple of months - something I really didn’t want to do! But I did it, and we had a lot of fun I was able to kill a lot of debt for those four months, and then I found a place that was just right and moved out again. Now that I’m out of debt (technically - I haven’t made the final payment yet), I can’t see myself ever moving home again. But it was actually fun for that brief stint, and I don’t think less of myself for doing it.

I guess this is all to say that my perspective has changed. Whereas I used to look down on all boomerang kids, I see now that if that person has a specific goal for the temporary move (mine: get out of debt much faster) and a plan in place for once that goal is met (get my own place again), and actually ACTS on that plan (I did), then the tables are turned and it wasn’t so bad as it was wise. This all works best, of course, when all parties are happy with the temporary situation

Thanks for writing this and allowing me to ramble!

My younger sister is in this situation. I really don’t understand it. I haven’t lived at home since I was 17. I really wanted my independence and I think that’s healthy and normal for young people. My sister and her peers could afford to live on their own or with friends, so I look on it as sponging off their parents. I do think that what Shanti mentions, moving temporarily back home for a specific purpose and a limited time frame, is more justifiable.

I think that I’m most opposed to it becoming the *normal* thing to do. People can, and do, make all sorts of situations work, but the problem with the boomerang situation is that it makes it hard to move on, and it’s particularly difficult for the parents to get rid of the kid(s) if they won’t leave of their own accord.

I sincerely hope that you realize there are exceptions to “boomerang kids”. I’ve lived at home with my parents and foster sister since I graduated with my M.A. in 2005 and moved home to finish a post-baccalaureate degree. Financially, I could not have made it without my parents’ help. That being said, I contribute a lot to the welfare of my family. My foster sister is autistic, and requires 24/7 supervision and care…I’m basically the “second lieutenant” around here. I’m an equally trained care provider, and I do as much of the housework as possible to help my mother, who has several health problems. Furthermore, when my dad had hip replacement last fall, I was here to step in, taking over with the housework and care of my sister and another child with special needs that we do respite care for.
My parents love having me here and have said so many times that they would never think of having me move out. It’s a situation that’s been a blessing for all of us, and it can work. That’s just my two cents, but I’m proud to be a “boomerang kid” and my family and I find the situation wonderful.

@Amy:
Of course there are exceptions. The only problem (but it’s a big one) with boomerang kids is that often they (and their relationship with their parents) don’t grow up. If you can maintain a strictly adult relationship with them, then it can work out well. In your situation, what would concern me would be wanting to move out but feeling obliged to stay - that can be resolved either way (deciding to stay, or deciding to leave), but it’s certainly a choice that you need to *own*.

I moved back in with my parents when I finished University. I stayed for about 6 months while I found a good job and saved up some money. I then moved out and took my sister with me - bonus!

I left home straight before Uni and never went back, of course I had the opposite happen my parent needed to live with me!
However, I do have a few friends who returned home after Uni and have remained there 7/8/11 years later. Many of them don’t pay any rent or very very nominal rent. Many don’t do housework or contribute to meals or bills. In many ways I feel it has kept them as young people instead of adults.
I can understand moving home for 3-6 months to get a job, start earning, get a budget together and find a reasonable place to live, especially those who are looking for housing in the expensive citites. I think parents often think they are helping their children, often they are actually hindering the situation.