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single and aiming for a financially stable partner

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Its probably (hopefully) not too obvious in this blog that I’m single (and as it happens female). I’m not looking for a boyfriend at the moment, although if one turns up that would be ok. But I wouln’t want my fiscal stability upset by mingling my finances with someone irresponsible. Is it ok to weed out potential partners based on the state of their finances?

On reflection, I think that its unlikely that I’d be attracted to someone who was truly reckless – in money or other matters – I’m just not that adventurous. On the other hand, asking someone about their credit card bills on a first date is probably a significant enough social faux pas that there wouldn’t be a second date.

They say that you can’t change a man (or woman for that matter) so I’m stuck with hoping that any future contenders are financially stable – or at least not going to drag me down with them.

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4 comments for “single and aiming for a financially stable partner”

  1. “Is it ok to weed out potential partners based on the state of their finances?”

    Personal opinion: I not only think its OK, but think it should be “required” to do this! My parents couldnt see eye to eye about money and to this day (35+ years into their marriage!) they have not been able to resolve their differences!!! Don’t even ask what kind of impact that has had on us kids :) Between the better half and I, we never really talked about this when we dated, but I somehow seem to have “sensed” it that we were on the same page.

    PS: If you do ask someone about his credit card bills, dont forget to let us all know what the immediate response was :)

    Posted by ispf | May 14, 2007, 5:51 pm
  2. I think that partly I don’t want to appear to be too calculating (or fussy). I wouldn’t want anyone to think I was after someone for their money.

    Hopefully I’ll meet someone who is one the same page naturally. Then we can argue about something else.

    Posted by plonkee | May 16, 2007, 4:19 pm
  3. Similar thinking about that. Am also single and past relationships have shown a distinct divide in money attitudes. I don’t always do a good job, but I believe in being frugal. I have no debt other than mortgage. I don’t budget but achieve the same thing by creating a general attitude that I have no money. Hard to explain that one. Budgeting is easier to explain and harder to do.

    Posted by Not Fred | July 6, 2007, 11:56 pm
  4. While I forgive people their past mistakes, a few things come to mind re dating now that I’m back to frugal living.

    1. Dating is expensive - many of the “top” dating books say if you are actively trying to find a husband, you should expect to dish out 10-15% of your income to cover it. Things like internet dating memberships, singles events, clothes, hair etc

    2. Taking on his past mistakes - I couldn’t imagine trying to deal with his 20K or more debt

    3. Situations that will cost me/him/us money in the future. Things have changed for the better in many ways, but alimony can be a major worry (or was in the past, I guess less so now). I can’t imagine if he was earning similar to me, watching £400 a month go from his account to an ex wife! Child support is 100% different in my eyes - they are his children and must be supported financially, emotionally etc, but if it was just an ex (no kids) and she didn’t want to work, or he had to top up her income…

    Thankfully (I guess?) this isn’t an issue at the moment!

    Posted by Notes From The Frugal Trenches | May 18, 2008, 12:44 pm

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